Sibling Collaboration
by starmouse
Summary: This is a line by line collaboration between me .... and my brother. Who hates Buffy and wants all characters dead. It is rather interesting.


**This is a veeerry interesting little fic, cowritten by my brother and myself. It really doesn't mean anything, but it's kind of humourous. We passed the laptop back and forth for about two hours, and this is what came out. He's the italics, I'm not. Notice how many times he tries to kill everybody, and how cleverly I save them. And how we leave each other with really stupid lead ins, that make it hard to write on.**

~Star Mouse

_My sister's obsessed. Spike should die. I don't know why she calls herself 'Star Mouse,' either. Her real name's --*_censored_*--__  
**  
~CometCube**_

It was a dark and stormy night. This didn't worry Buffy, since vampires don't like getting wet. But she was wandering through the graveyard, like always, and the rain wasn't helping her mood. She was wearing her favorite jacket and she had taken a spill in a mud puddle. Afterwards she realized it wasn't a good idea to wear a $250 jacket while patrolling. Or $120 boots. 

Things had been quiet recently. She should probably be happy about that, what with the drop in fatalities and all. But she wasn't. It was boring. 

_If not for the person following behind her, she would be very very bored indeed. The stalker had been following she strolled past the Bronze on her way to the graveyard._

She wrapped her fingers around her concealed stake, ready to turn and attack. 

"Hello."

She sighed. But she didn't turn around. "Go away."

"Not until you give me a chance to speak."

_"You got a word, which is more than most evil beings get when they cross paths with me."_

Spike walked around to face her. "Well, yeah, but It's not like we've just met, now is it?"

_"Too bad you aren't Spike."_

She plunged the stake into the heart of her brief acquaintance. It did not explode into a cloud of dust, even though she knew --from long experience-- that she had pierced the heart. 

She felt a bit of worry as the person --who, definitely, was not Spike-- gasped and clutched the stick protruding from his chest. 

Until he started spewing sparks. She kicked it over. It was definitely an 'it.' Had been. 

So. Someone was making androids again. Well, that was interesting. She studied the thing for a second, as the rain doused the little electrical fires starting on it's clothes, and then grabbed it by the foot and pulled it off towards Spike's crypt. That was where she had been heading anyway.   
_  
Angel then stepped out from behind a tall head stone. _

"Sorry. Just a little test to see if you were on your guard after all these years." He chuckled, knowing that there was no need to have this test. 

Buffy knew it too. "Liar," she said, dropping the robot leg and taking a step forward. "Now, I've heard that Drucilla's up to her shenanigans again. Something about curing the curse? The question _now,_ I guess, is," she tossed the stake idly. "Are you a good Angel, or a bad Angel?"

_ "Kiss me, and you decide." _

They slowly drifted towards each other. They embraced as their lips met. A few seconds passed. Buffy pulled back.

"Well, you're not as good as Spike. _You are better."_

_"So what do you say good or bad?"_

"Mmm. . . Bad." She kicked out, and Angel flew back into a headstone. Buffy whipped out another stake. 

"I _felt_ that, you jerk! What's Drucilla been _teaching_ you?! That 'thrall' stuff doesn't work on me anymore! 

Angel. . . us. . . Shook his head, changing to vamp face and lunging at her. 

_She staked him without thinking about it. It was reflex. But as soon as she realized what she had done, a wave of regret nearly drowned her. _  
  
That is, until he also started spouting sparks. 

"For crying out loud!"

She kicked the shorting robot over to the ground. She sighed. 

With one foot in each hand, she continued on towards Spike's crypt. 

_When she finally got to Spike's crypt she saw a sight that would forever give her nightmares. _

There were Spike and Angel. Making out.

She dropped the robots. "Oh my _God!" _There was stillness. 

Spike leapt back. "*Bloody hell!* *I kissed Peaches!*"__

Angel whirled around to lean on the crypt. She couldn't tell if he was gagging or trying to scrape his tongue clean on the stone.

"What the hell was that?!" 

"We were under some sort of thrall." Angel turned around. "Hi, Buffy." 

He glanced down at the robots at her feet, who still bore a remarkable resemblance to the real deal.

"_I_ was under thrall! I don't know about you. Always knew you were a pansy, Peaches!"

"Shut up, Spike."

_Willow appeared from somewhere unknown to this day._

"Sorry. Always wanted to see it happen."

"That's it; You're dead." Spike seemed serious. He was already in vamp face and lunging toward the young witch. 

Willow held out a hand.   
  
"Stop." Spike did. In midair. 

_"Ahem!" As usual, Buffy had to bring them back to reality. "Spike, don't hurt Willow. Willow, put Spike down."  
  
Spike fell. Willow fell. The androids were gone. No, wait. Not both of them. It had happened so quickly, it took Buffy a second to process it. One of them was standing over Willow with a bloody knife. One of them was gone. _

Spike was staring at his doppleganger in shock. The meta~Spike was still emitting a shower of sparks, and the false skin had peeled back to reveal a metallic skull. 

_Willow then died a bloody and horrible death. Buffy mourned for a fraction of a second, then greeted Angel.   
_  
_"Long time no see, Angel. How ya' been."_

He wiped his mouth again. "Well, I was doing fine until about fifteen minutes ago." He glanced at Spike, who was beating up the robot. 

The bleach~blonde vampire threw a final blow, and the android's head flew into the shadows. Spike rubbed his knuckles and muttered.

"Sodding titanium."

He walked over to stand by Buffy. He attempted to plant a kiss on her forehead, but she ducked. 

"Uh-uh. You've got Angel breath."

He tried to drape an arm over her shoulder, but she held the stake up warningly. He backed up a few nonchalant paces. 

Angel gestured vaguely in Willow's direction. "Uh, should we. . . Do something about her?"

Buffy shrugged. "Nah. She'll decompose. She'd want it that way."

"I'm guessing I'm the only one who is worried about androids." _Buffy was frustrated with keeping these vampires focused. She tried to train them but there was just no making them do right. _She wasn't sure if it was a vampire thing or a guy thing. Sent off track by the silliest things, like gruesome murders. 

"Well, pet, I can't say as I appreciate robots running around, being me. . ." He kicked the robot Spike in the side. "I suppose this _is_ a robot."

"Yeah, Spike. It's a robot. And that other one. The one that's not here anymore. That was a robot Angel."

"Well, what do you think they were trying to do?" Angel glanced over his shoulder. "I hate not being able to smell my enemies."

Buffy shook her head. "I don't know what the Spike was trying to do, but the Angel tried to seduce me." She blinked. "He put me under a thrall. How would a robot use thrall?"

_ Xander came into view. Buffy cut his head off. The first clue that this was- had been the real Xander was the lack of sparks. The most obvious was the blood and guts spewing out of the hole that was the connection between his head and his neck.  
_  
"Oh, crap." 

"_Nice, _pet." Spike nodded appreciatively, and turned to Angel, who was staring, aghast. "I never liked him."

"Well _I _did!" 

Everyone spun. Anya, in full vengeance mode, was standing on the crypt. 

_Anya, Buffy, Spike, and Angel prepared for a hard fight. This is how it went:_

Spike charged, Angel backed away from the crypt for a better look, and Anya dived for Buffy. Buffy, wielding the axe that she was holding (for some reason) knocked her aside. Spike slammed into the crypt wall. Anya went down, though largely unhurt. 

_Angel looked around in bewilderment. Things had certainly changed since the last time he'd been to Sunnydale. _

Willow stepped out from behind a bush. 

"Gosh," she said. "Lucky thing that was just a glamour."

_"Yeah, I was really scared that I had actually killed Xander."_

"Oh, that was real. I was talking about Anya."  
  
_Buffy shrugged off this loss for the first time in her life. Then she remembered she was a complete and total moron so she went back into the famous pool. That of self-pity. She was then mean to Angel and Spike. She was satisfied with the effects so she went home and cried._

The end _sort of._

!! !! !!

If you would like to read a _better_ story, that actually sort of makes sense, check out my "Irony Becomes Her," and "Of Blondes that Bite and Stab."

Also, I could probably bully my brother into an update, if anyone sees this continuing. You know the drill. Review w/your opinion re: updates.

Cheerio.

~Star Mouse 


End file.
